Would it be okay
If I came and stayed
Somewhere even close to you?
Where at least I’d see the shape of you?
…Wait a while, hear the breath of you?
…Little longer, ear to the chest of you?
…Let me stumble somewhere I’d be next to you.
In the morning wake the dawn with you -
First blink, first light, first yawn with you.
Then face the day - work, rest, and pray
That I’d stay close to you.
That I’d be okay with being somewhere close to you
Instead of hiding in my shame
Scared you’d find me there again -
In some place I don’t believe I could be close to you.
Sweet Friend, I’d rather run away
Than impose myself on you today
Why would someone good like you want me even close to you?
Surely, you who formed my inmost being,
and knows my thoughts before my thinking,
Surely you know every reason why I can’t be close to you.
Don’t get me wrong, I would be thankful for your grace
But then deny you to your face,
Sing “man of sorrows, what a name!”
Then run away from you.
And that’s the side of me I just don’t care for you to see -
You deserve a better friend than me,
You know, someone who’d stay close to you.
But here I am again - You are that better friend
You’ve had every chance to leave, but still you want me close to you.
So what am I supposed to do?
Run? I can’t outrun you!
There’s nothing here for me
Unless I’m close to you.
So if you want me, here I am.
Tangled, twisted, double-minded little man.
Simple sinner that I am,
Please, could I be close to you?
And if I can, then would you stay?
Close my eyes, would you remain?
When I awake, see you again?
Stick around, my precious Friend.
We’ll chase the day until it’s ends.
Saving blood, the wound amended.
Sinner once, now Child befriended.
Forever close, rebellion ended.
TransChristianity
Sexuality. I have probably thought about it more in the last few months than I ever have before. And of course, conservatives have tended to get prolifically inhumane when they start to talk about it. We tend to forget that LGBTQ is not merely a problem to be dealt with, but people to be loved – just like everyone else.
So I'm sitting here on a flight back to Seattle from Charlotte, thinking of the "righteous" indignation that Christians generally feel over Homosexuality and Transgenderism. And while my disposition on this conversation is pretty settled, I think there's a giant and awkward Elephant in the Church, and it's worse than however you feel about Homosexuality or Transgenderism. Way worse.
The issue should probably just be called "Trans-Christianity."
A Transchristian is a person that changed their religious outfit at some point, started self-identifiying as a Christian, and now expects you to identify them as a Christian too. But when you take off their church clothes, something tangible is missing.
Christians from Portlandia to Trumplandia have gotten their holy robes in an anxious twist over Transgenders identifying with a gender that opposes their biological sex. But I'm just wondering when the dam of hypocrisy will break on Transchristians who identify with a Savior who opposes their own priorities and lifestyle choices.
Jesus Christ did not defend gun-rights, hold up signs of any kind, ride in a nice car, plan for retirement or believe in the American Dream… not even a little. He came to serve rather than be served, to die, and to radically call His followers to die too. Jesus was poor-and-nearly-homeless, a carpenter who defended outcasts and was tortured to death.
The Transchristian wants as much of the world as they can get, but just enough of Jesus to keep their pastor happy and their conscience sedated. There is no death to the world and yet they proclaim “Death to the World!” And where there is no real death to the world, there can be no real life in Christ.
Being a "Christian" has perhaps never meant less than it does today. It's a day in which "Christians" are Christians simply because they say they are. And we're all afraid to speak up – scared someone's feelings might get hurt – so we pretend along, believing beyond belief that our friends are really followers.
We’ve got so much to repent of as a community of Transchristians. Myself included. There’s weeping that needs to be done over our own sins. Apologies that ought to be made to entire communities of people that we have objectified as though they were problems to be fixed. And there is a steeple-sized plank in the eye of the Transchristian church that must come out before we can help heal the world.
The Problem of Passion
I am a real feeler. Like, neck-veins-bulging, sweat-dripping, write-hard, play-hard, cry-hard feeler... At my best I am ravenous for God, and at my darkest I am a couch-potato with an attitude and a netflix account.
Maybe you are too.
Some days all I want is to be with Jesus; my soul is so delighted in and fascinated with Him that I would rather read the book of NUMBERS than go to work. I would rather rock-out with my Bible-out than see friends, eat food, or have sex. In those moments my soul is so easily enraptured by even the tiniest tendril of The Gospel. Waiting on the Still-Small-Voice. Sitting in swirling thoughts of God's character. Trotting my way through the "cloud of unknowing" and into broad places where I find God behind every bush and within every gust of wind; not that I am an Avatar-Mongering-Polytheist, but more-so that each arbitrary encounter with the world is jam-packed with potential for becoming a divine interaction with the Divine Genius. Sure as shooting. Certain as death and taxes.
And it's on days like those, when I am breathing fire and feel the warmth of God's breath on my skin, that I tend to forget that not every day is pie-in-the-sky with Jesus. In fact, when I'm not feelin' it, I often experience a very abrupt metamorphosis... like someone hits the Holy-Ghost-Brakes and I go from "pew-potato" to "couch-potato" in about 3 seconds.
Because, when passion is your greatest strength, chances are it's also the debilitating chink in your armor... Because, "Feelings are a fantastic blessing, but a terrible master..." @AlanFrow
When passion is your spiritual power-play, going Slow, Small, and Steady with Jesus tastes like medicine.
But perhaps, in your zeal, you've done a thing or two for Jesus. You've led a study, a trip, or an entire ministry. You've prayed through the night and blown the shofar from the top of Mount Carmel. Perhaps you've pumped out an entire book... and you should, because He is worthy of your all. But I know myself. And I know that my "spiritual-accomplishments" tend to carry me for a little while... And if I'm lucky, I can ride that high for a week or two. Until one day, when I am living in early-spiritual retirement because of all the "heaven-pennies" earned by last week's zealousness for God... and that's when it happens - the Slow, the Small, and the Steady catch up with me… the relics of passion and zeal are still somewhere inside of me, but, like a ball-player reveling in the glory days, I am unfit and unmotivated to play today’s game.
That's when you start puking garbage like "Do as I say and not as I do." We ride the high, like Jehu - a King who turned Baal's temple into a toilet stall (2 Kings 10:27), was praised by the people, and retired early. The last thing written about the young idol-crusher was that he died an old man who failed to finish well (2 Kings 10:31). A little anti-climactic, right?
I think when you are filled with zeal for the Lord, as I am from season-to-season… we tend to believe that our zeal and our accomplishments are good substitutes for the Slow, the Small, and the Steady. That a sprint can be a substitute for a steady trudge.
As if Christianity were some spiritual game of "Red-Light, Green-Light"...
instead of a Slow, Small, and Steady spiritual reality that we train our souls to actualize within the day-to-day fiber that comprises the fabric of our lives. As if we didn't think of God as though He were a real person... Because a healthy relationship with another person shouldn't look like a 14-year-old learning to drive a stick-shift, but perhaps more like the Slow, Small, and Steady walk of the veteran saint that just won't quit - so that even during the inevitable seasons in which I am not "feeling it," there isn't any desire or force of nature that can distract me from trudging closer to Jesus Christ.
So what do we do?
Life as a passionate person can be a little chaotic. So here are four things we can we do to bring a little balance to our walks with Jesus... Four really really hard things that will probably elicit the death of our egos and a tenacious resolution to follow hard after God.
1.) Don't get too inebriated with your accomplishments.
Chew on the Gospel until you can honestly sing: "I will not boast in anything, no gifts no power, no wisdom; But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection."
Do great things for Jesus - do them and do them with all your heart. But remember that your accomplishments are only a response to Christ's astronomical accomplishment of healing the world of sin with His blood. Have you ever died for someone? No? Then you've got no reason to get overly-confident in how well you sing, write, design, think, or love people. Do it for Jesus, and let that be enough. (Ephesians 2:8-9; Jeremiah 9:23; Proverbs 27:2; 2 Corinthians 11:30)
2.) Be Devout.
I want to be known as someone who is "Devout." Devout to my wife, devout to the church, and devout to Christ. But being devout doesn't exactly come accompanied by desirable connotations these days. And in this "easy come, easy go" culture we've cultivated some serious commitment issues. But if you're like me and you've come to grips with the dark-side of your passionate personality then "Commitment" might be just what the doctor ordered. "Devout" is the big-cousin of the word "Devotion"... so break out that old daily devotional book that you've read 6% of. Jesus Calling, My Utmost For His Highest, or The One Year Bible. Break it out, break it in, and read it. Every day at the same time. Before work or during lunch-break. Habitualize, internalize, repeat... Every day? Ya. (Psalm 5:3; Psalm 119:148; Exodus 20:8; 2 Timothy 4:7; Mark 1:35)
3.) Get on your knees.
I enjoy writing. But it can be tough to remember that I should wear out my knees praying before I wear out my fingers typing. Imagine if, like scripture mandates, we would invest ourselves in "ceaseless prayer..." In season and out of season. Imagine. Doing great things with great passion for God would be a natural overflow... the norm.
And on the same note, it is God that changes the heart. So if your desire is to be steadfast, then just ask Him persistently to accomplish that work in your heart. (Ezekiel 36:26; John 6:44).
4.) Be Resurgent
When you screw it up. Get up and go again. When you've wasted a week or a month or an entire season in apathy, just get up and go in grace. Time spent groveling is time wasted. Get up, re-fix your gaze back on Jesus and walk with Him. (Hebrews 12:1-2; Joel 2:12-14)
The Slow, Small, and Steady happens in every moment. It loves early morning coffee and thrives in late-night conversation. It happens at summer-camp, and it happens in the dead of winter. It crawls through "The Dark Night Of The Soul" tooth-and-nail, with unrelenting effort. And it climbs, hand-over-fist, quick and seamlessly, over mountain-top experiences. It's a Slow, Small, and Steady walk with Christ that drags a Believer to the Throne-Room, never to leave.
So come on, you passion-people. All you zealots. All you fire-eyed-kiddos. Come and move toward Christ. Patiently. Perpetually. Unrelentingly. Slow. Small. And Steady. Come to the throne-room of grace and never leave.
